More than thirty years have passed since I sat inside a Native American sweat lodge beside the mighty Klamath River, yet I still carry with me the memory of something the Tribal Elder said that evening. It has quietly shaped the way I see women ever since.
I’ve shared those words many times over the decades and even now, they continue to shape me. Before that evening, I saw pregnancy much as many people do; something to celebrate and congratulate; bringing a new baby into the world. But the Klamath Elder invited us to see through a broader lens.
Among his people, a pregnant woman was regarded with profound respect. She was carrying not only a child but the future of the tribe itself, and they all shared a responsibility for her wellbeing. Often when passing, tribal members would acknowledge her with the words, “Ho to the one who beats with two hearts.”
I realised it was not just a greeting but a way of seeing and that realisation cemented a major change in me. Even now, when I notice a pregnant woman, those words return uninvited. Sometimes I smile to myself. Occasionally, if the moment seems right, I tell her the story.
In the decades since my sweat lodge experience the lesson has expanded and grown; it no longer belongs just to pregnant women, but to all women.
That is why I keep sharing the story with boys around campfires, to young men still discovering what sort of men they wish to become and even to older blokes who, like the rest of us, sometimes need reminding where every one of us began; in our mothers.
It is such a simple thought yet carries a big impact and leaves very little room for disrespect. Consequently; whenever I hear women dismissed, belittled or treated as though they are less than males, my mind returns to that sweat lodge beside the Klamath River; to the cedar smoke, the glowing stones, the unbearable heat and the quiet dignity of the young pregnant woman who sat among us.
The old Elder probably never imagined that a few words spoken beside a river would travel halfway around the world and remain with one (Australian) river guide for the rest of his life.
Yet they have, and I hope they travel much further still.
Because, in a world that often seems quick to divide us, perhaps we all need the occasional reminder that before we became men or women, doctors or labourers, leaders or followers, every one of us first arrived here through the body of a woman – she who beats with two hearts.
Our First Home:
Before we argued, loved or fought,
before we formed a single thought,
she held us safe the whole way through…
She first carried me and you.
Respect begins within the heart,
gratitude’s the better start.
The truth is simple, old and true…
She first carried me and you.